As an Evangelical it is a very common experience for me to ask or be asked my ‘testimony’ or the story of my conversion. I was taught to practice this story and learn how to tell it to help others experience the same. Pretty straight forward. So, what’s the rub? As an Evangelical who is in fellowship with the Catholic Church I’ve been engaged with countless, faithful followers of Jesus who use different language, tell very different stories, and don’t fit into the categories I’ve used in the past. When you ask a person who grew up in a Catholic family (or Anglican, Lutheran, Presbyterian, or Methodist for that matter), “When did you become a Christian?” You might not get the answer you are looking for. There might be tension. There might be confusion. There might be some misunderstanding.
First, many people don’t have a compelling, dramatic life changing event. So, they feel the pressure to conjure up something to describe an emotional experience at church, a camp, or with a friend who was ‘leading them to Christ.’ Second, there seems to be a general drift from actual language in the Scriptures about salvation to our more modern, adapted language in a very small sub-culture. We hear terms like “asked Jesus in to my heart” or “put my full faith in Christ” or “made Him the Lord of my life” or “started a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.” The list goes on. This drift confuses a very simple picture of salvation whereby we are the lost, desperate, sinful, dead and dying human race who is being literally snatched out of the grave by a mighty Savior who is simultaneously fighting a battle against death and evil as we know it. Our narratives accidentally flip to make us the center of the story as we finally come to a place where we ‘truly believe.’
An unfortunate byproduct of this approach also leads to many questioning their identity, salvation, faith, etc. in later years. “Did I really pray the right prayer?” “Did I really believe or was it just my parents faith?” Lastly, this drift leads to divisions in the church. We spend much time and energy sizing up others and asking, “Are they believers?” In my early years I would be tempted to tell others that many in my family were not Christians. After all, they didn’t listen to Christian radio. They didn’t go to a bible study. They didn’t go to church regularly. And they certainly didn’t share their “testimony.” But I knew they weren’t atheists or Buddhist or Jewish. I needed something to reconcile the dissonance.
In my late teens and early twenties (when I was heavily involved in evangelical ministries) I learned categories to qualify Christians. We had labels for the “casual Christian,” the “Christian who was not walking with God,” and the “carnal Christians who confessed their faith and had life insurance but were living a licentious lifestyle.” And we definitely had skepticism for the person who did not have a conversion testimony and talked about their infant baptism, church growing up, etc. It became our responsibility to either confirm they were born again or begin to evangelize them.
We also had labels for ourselves. We set our goal to be “fully devoted followers of Jesus.” When I first heard this I thought, “Ok…so it’s not good enough to be a follower of Jesus? I need to be a ‘devoted’ follower? Got it. Oh wait, it’s not ok to be a ‘devoted follower?’ I need to be a ‘fully devoted follower vs a partially devoted follower?’ Got it! Back in the day we’d have all kinds of synonyms for fully devoted followers. We used terms like a “Christian Stud” or “Spirit-filled Christian” or “Rock Solid Christian” or someone who is “on fire for the Lord.” Popular pastors and authors got their own labels like “Anointed” or “Prophetic” or “Gifted Communicators.” And this litany of labels seems to start when someone asks, “When did you become a Christian?”
It’s funny really. Any question that begins with “when” necessitates an answer about a point in time. If you face the question directly the answer will be a reference to a year, season, month, day, hour, or minute (or perhaps all of the above). When did I graduate from high school? May of Nineteen Ninety (I don’t remember the day). When did I get married? May sixth, One Thousand Nine Hundred and Ninety Five. When was I baptized? August second, One Thousand Nine Hundred and Seventy Two. When did I become a Christian? Honest, short answer, I have no idea.
It’s probably important to set the record straight here. I affirm 100% what the Bible describes as a conversion experience. When Jesus described it to Nicodemus He used the term “born again.” In seminary I was taught this is called “regeneration.” But, no matter the terms, the idea is quite simple and equally mysterious. A person goes from being one thing, one state, one nature to another thing, another state, another nature. We go from orphans to adopted sons and daughters. We go from death to life. As the simplest version of the story goes, we are born into a fallen world in a fallen state. “Remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.” (Eph 2:11-13)
Unless we are ‘saved’ from sin and death and evil there’s no hope. Jesus is very clear on this.
Now wait a minute!?! I just wrote the word ‘saved.’ That’s the language the Bible uses. In fact the word ‘Christian’ only appears 3 times in the Bible (Acts 11, Acts 26, 1 Peter 4). This is not to negate the term. But this is to highlight that our conversion experience is one of us becoming and effecting our own change through our act of belief. But, our conversion is a work of salvation that is being performed by Another. Ever heard a real-life saving story? Maybe on the news? Maybe saw a movie about it? Someone who was drowning and dragged out by a lifeguard? Someone who was pulled from a burning building by a rescue worker? People who were pulled from a plane crash before the plane exploded by a nameless hero? There’s typically 3 characters in a life saving story: The Villian, the Victim, and the Hero who saves the Vicitm from the Villian. So a better question than “When?” is “How?” A better subject than “you” might be “God.” And more fitting terminology than “become a Christian” might be “saved.” Instead of “when did you become a Christian?” We might ask “how did God save you?”
This reminds me of one of the most classic models I was taught to explain the gospel. The model depicts a canyon with two stick figures on each side. One stick figure is me. The other stick figure is God (already an unfair comparison for the same symbol to represent a sinner like me with the Almighty God). The canyon represents the distance and gap between us (note there is no representation of death, danger, or any aspects of my depravity). Then a big cross (an inanimate object) comes down and creates a bridge between the two cliffs. This represents the historical event of the crucifixion. Then I was taught the person (me) walks over to God. When I was first introduced to this model it made sense and I used it. Today I can’t decide if it’s a careless over-simplification, or worse, an unbiblical depiction of the work of salvation. As I reflect on it the model answers, “when did I finally have the good sense to stroll over the nice flat bridge to God?” vs “how did God swoop down from heaven to save me from sin and death and evil?”
These diversions and depictions are common and human. We are naturally tempted to view the story with us at the center. When we focus on ourselves we miss the big picture. And the big picture is pretty big. The story of salvation is one between God (the Hero) and the Devil (the Villain), between angels and demons, between death and life. It’s the greatest mystery novel with God as the Author, Hero, and Narrator of His own story. And we are all caught up in it. It’s also a mystery that we can be one of billions of His adopted sons and daughters and experience a relationship with Him that is truly intimate. So, the story is not about us. The story is about our Father in heaven who sent his only Son Jesus to conquer sin and death and then send His Holy Spirit to save and indwell souls. Yes, the other mystery is that He specifically chooses to use people to help save other people in a beautiful family and community we call the Church. Yes, another mystery is our participation of faith and response to the good news of Jesus when we are confronted with it. Why cover all this ground? I think I need to be grounded in the truths of the Bible whenever I get stuck or feel lost in the questions in my surrounding culture.
The most grounding parts of Scripture for me are the stories of the actual 12 disciples of Christ. On the one hand these are “unschooled, ordinary men.” On the other hand these are chosen men who Jesus clearly sets apart before they even knew him (and likely before they were ever born). Let’s ask Peter this question, “When did you become a Christian?” Was it when Andrew said to Peter, “We have found the Messiah!” Maybe it was when Jesus performs the miracle at the fishing boats (the first one) and Peter falls at his feet saying, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” Maybe it was in John 6 when all the other “believers” were abandoning Jesus and Peter proclaimed, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.” Was it when Peter was restored after denying he even knew Jesus? Was it when he received the Holy Spirit at Pentecost? His preaching led to thousands of conversions and daily increases as the “Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.” What would Peter say? Well, that’s kind of an easy question because we have his writings. Here’s a helpful snippet…
“But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect…For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit. After being made alive, he went and made proclamation to the imprisoned spirits— to those who were disobedient long ago when God waited patiently in the days of Noah while the ark was being built. In it only a few people, eight in all, were saved through water, and this water symbolizes baptism that now saves you also—not the removal of dirt from the body but the pledge of a clear conscience toward God. It saves you by the resurrection of Jesus Christ, who has gone into heaven and is at God’s right hand—with angels, authorities and powers in submission to him.”
1 Peter 3:15-22
The story he tells is all centered on Christ and the big picture. We can see that big picture too if we zoom out and look at the whole of sacred Scripture. Here’s a fun challenge to ground us all. The next time someone asks you, “When did you become a Christian” try using only the Bible to answer the question. You can identify with actual examples and stories as well as language used throughout the Scriptures. Here’s just a quick list of verses I looked up. It’s not a comprehensive list. Just some that came top-of-mind.
My first search included any references to the timing of salvation. Again, a question that starts with “when” is asking for this. Here’s a powerful one I found. I simply highlighted language that seems especially applicable to the issue.
“For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.” (Titus 3:3-7)
Titus 3:3-7
This is a crude analogy. But when I read this, I actually think about our dog. Our dog is wild and disobedient and runs about the yard. After months and months, it’s pretty clear that he’s dirty, and has the residue of all of his instinctual decisions all over him. Without asking his permission, we snatch him up take him to the bathtub and give him an involuntary scrub. Then we dry him off, comb his hair and set him back in the living room. He’s been washed and cleaned. What if this is closer to the story of our salvation than we think?
Here’s another one that seems interesting.
“I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”
Phil 1:3-6
This Scripture brings up a really important tension. When we trust in Christ, we talk about being born again. And this is true. But wait a minute? We’re not sinless. We’re not perfect. In some cases people would not even see or know a difference in us. There is a work that has begun that will likely last a lifetime. And then, after an entire lifetime, it’s likely there’s still so much more work of perfecting that has to be done before we go before the presence of a holy God in heaven.
And later in this same letter…
“Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.”
Phil 2:12-13
The scripture likely makes a lot of evangelicals nervous. We’re allergic to anything that sounds like we work to achieve our salvation. Paul doesn’t hesitate to use plain language when he commands the entire church at the city of Philippi to “work something out.” I’m not going to try and attempt to reconcile what he says here and provide an eloquent argument against so-called “works-based salvation.” I’m just meditating on the Scriptures and taking in the mystery.
Here’s another mystery that I relate with.
“When the jailer woke and saw that the prison doors were open, he drew his sword and was about to kill himself, supposing that the prisoners had escaped. But Paul cried with a loud voice, “Do not harm yourself, for we are all here.” And the jailer called for lights and rushed in, and trembling with fear he fell down before Paul and Silas. Then he brought them out and said, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?” And they said, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.” And they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all who were in his house. And he took them the same hour of the night and washed their wounds; and he was baptized at once, he and all his family. Then he brought them up into his house and set food before them. And he rejoiced along with his entire household that he had believed in God.”
Acts 16:27-34
So, if you asked the Phillipian jailer, “When did you become a Christian?” he might stare at you funny since that term may have not been prevalent (it started in Antioch which is a long way from Phillipi, but you never know). But, if you asked him to tell you a story about his life, he’d likely choose this one. He’d likely speak with amazement about the miracles with the Apostle Paul that occurred the night he almost committed suicide. But what if you asked his wife? His children? Others in his household? Paul said “you and your household?” Certainly his household could relate with his story but none of them were likely there with him in the jail. His household members were secondary witnesses of the miracles and must have bestowed some measure of trust to the jailrr as the head of the household. It doesn’t say “and he was baptized at once, he and all his family…except the ones who were not old enough or had not made a commitment to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.”
This scripture reminds me of another one that’s even closer to home for me. It’s helpful to look at Timothy, Paul’s protégée.
“I thank God whom I serve, as did my ancestors, with a clear conscience, as I remember you constantly in my prayers night and day. As I remember your tears, I long to see you, that I may be filled with joy. I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
2 Tim 1:3-7
This is where I would naturally pause because it’s the closest example to my own story and my wife’s. We were not born in a 3rd world county or in a Islamic nation or near a Buddhist Temple or into a devout Jewish home or engrossed in an American cult or raised by two staunch Atheists. We were born in good ol’ Texas and Oklahoma, USA. Our parents are Christians and we were both baptized as infants. In fact, we are from multiple generations of Christians who actually keep family records of baptisms, first communions, and confirmations. No, we were not born into multiple generations of evangelicals. That might be hard since the evangelical movement as we know it today is not likely older than 150 years. But, that’s another story.
The point is is that we are in the group of people who might struggle to talk about ‘when’ we became a Christian. This leads people like us to say plainly when asked, “Uh…when did I become a Christian? I’ve always been a Christian I suppose.” I can see the looks on the evangelicals faces. And I can hear the Family Feud game show error buzzer go off with the red X on the screen when people get the wrong answer. If you say “I’ve always been a Christian” to an evangelical you’ll likely be tagged as an unbeliever (a term used in its positive and negative forms about 24 times in the New Testament). It’s pretty easy math…no testimony of conversion = no belief. No belief = no salvation.
Now I don’t mean to make light of this or oversimplify. There are likely people in the pews every Sunday who are there for a cultural exercise only and carry no faith. Indeed their parents are Christians. But unlike Timothy their children do not carry the faith from their parents. And there are likely many many outside the doors of a church building whose faith is known to God alone. They are just as much our Christian family as those sitting next to us in the pews. The church, the Body of Christ, is made of people. It’s a family of families. And the family is the ‘domestic church,’ a primary place where God intends for the faith to be passed on. It’s not a building or a meeting. It’s families and people with their stories. Not everyone has an interesting or dramatic testimony. But everyone has a story. Maybe that’s the better question. Instead of, “When did you become a Christian?” We can ask “What’s your story?”
When we tell our stories we can only testify to things we have seen and heard, things we have done and not done, things we have experienced, amazing things done to us and for us. When I tell my ‘story’ I have the same tendency. I tell the ‘when’ the ‘where’ the ‘who’. I start with where I was born, facts about my parents, and my infant baptism. Then I head to my first experiences at church, the high school and college ministries I joined. Then I talk about seminary, my work as a pastor, then a missionary, etc. Then I talk about my most recent years in the market place, re-connection with the Anglican Church and initiation into the Catholic Church.
Now, here’s what’s interesting. I just re-read some of own of my own ‘stories’ I wrote for my kids. I now recognize it’s not a story at all. It’s a plot. It’s just a sequence of interesting (and some uninteresting) events. It’s just facts and history. A true story has drama, and conflict, and inflection. It’s has high points, low points, and turning points. Maybe this context and history is helpful. But, here’s maybe a better story I could try to tell.
First, I’ve come to see God’s hand and work in my life even when I did not recognize it. My perspective on this would certainly stretch even as far back as my baptism in 1972. As Paul said to Timothy (paraphrase), “I urge you to fan into flame your faith that first lived in your mother Lois and your grandmother Eunice and I’m sure now lives in you as well”. God could say to me, “fan into flame the faith that first lived in your mother Katharine and your grandfather Gordon and now lives in you as well.” And I have come to believe that God’s work in all our lives started.
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.”
Ephesians 1
I was born as a child of Adam, born in sin. I don’t blame him for my sin. For now I see that if roles were reversed I would have likely rebelled against God even quicker that he did. I’m naturally arrogant, self-reliant, and reckless. But, thank God that He sent His Son centuries before I was even born. I’m the grandson of William Gordon who stood over me as I was initiated and welcomed into my family and the church family. I’m the son of Katharine who took me to church and taught me to pray. My father was setting an example for me by reading the Bible cover-to-cover when I was a teenager (though I never gave him credit for it). My father-in-the-faith John Hawkins was there for me when my self-destructive behaviors could have easily taken me down a dark, dark path. The Holy Spirit has been moving in me and around me for as long as I can remember. If someone asked me, “When were you saved?” I wouldn’t be able to pinpoint one specific time. I’d likely scan to dozens of times when God has snatched me out of desperate sin, error, pain, hurt, struggles, and truly brought mercy, forgiveness, healing and peace to my soul. When I was born I was born in sin. When(ever) I was ‘born again’ my heart and my flesh still battled and continue to battle. I’m not sure what day this started. And I’m not sure when this work will finish. When I die I imagine I’ll still be a long, long way off from the work of perfection He will complete in me. But there seems to be at least one thing the Apostle Paul could say with certainty. As he says to the church in Phillipi, “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”
So according to Paul He saved me, He is saving me, He will save me and so many! Amen. When did God do all this? When did I become a Christian? It’s in eternity past. It’s ever present. And it’s in our imminent and eteral future. These truths have become a reality for me. I used to fixate on myself and my tiny context around me. As God has grown me and pulled me from my own self-focus I’ve become far more aware of His Big Story around me. I’ve gone “backwards to go forwards” as my brother Chris likes to say. I’ve learned a lot more about the faith of my parents, grandparents, and countless in the ‘communion of saints’ who have gone before us. I’m far more focused on the future of the Kingdom of God and preparing for eternity with Him as I shed the distractions that tie me down in this world. And God has been examining my heart and transforming me. This doesn’t happen every day in the same magnitude. But, I’ll bet I could recount a handful of experiences that were salvation-like in their power even though they are not my initial conversion experience. He saved us, He is saving us, He will save us! Amen!
I quoted a Scripture reference above in Titus that talks about salvation. The verses that follow immediately are very telling…
“The saying is trustworthy, and I want you to insist on these things, so that those who have believed in God may be careful to devote themselves to good works. These things are excellent and profitable for people. But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions, and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless. As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.”
Titus 3:8-11
I’m not fully applying this verse to our culture as it’s obvious that Paul has something very specific in mind for Titus. But we will still have lots of division in the church which grieves God. So, to avoid ‘foolish controversies’ that are ‘unprofitable’ sometimes the best response to a question that might just bring confusion and division is to pose a different and better question that might bring understanding and unity. Instead of racking our brains about when we became a Christian, a focus on us, on the beginning of our journey, we can flip the script. We can focus on the legacy other Christians have left and follow their example, especially at the end of their journey. One of the clearest blessings I received in communion with the Catholic Church is the regular discipline to recognize the great Saints in the history of God’s story.
It’s interesting that the words ‘witness’ and ‘martyr’ and ‘testimony’ and ‘saint’ are practically synonyms. Saints are not remembered for great conversation stories. Although many of them do have clear, dramatic ones. The focus of the stories I hear are more on the the sacrifices they made after conversion and the pain they endured along the way, especially prior to their deaths. I hear much more about the fruit at the end of their life not seeds at the beginning. When Peter ‘became a Christian’ or a follower it’s likely that he had no clue what he was doing and showed his lack of faith in spades at the very moment Jesus asked for his loyalty. But Peter’s swan song was leading the church and being used by God to grow it exponentially in the face of the same danger Jesus faced: crucifixion. Peters’ final testimony? Church tradition has it that Peter insisted on being crucified upside down because he didn’t deem himself worthy to be crucified as Jesus was. That’s a powerful story. I took my son, Sam, recently to the airport for his trip to Ireland. He visited the Cathedral of St. Patrick. Many in our culture know about St. Patrick’s Day parades and green beer. But, do they know about the evangelist who brought many to Christ until his dying days?
Well, I guess I’ll stop here. The moral of the story is don’t ask me a simple ‘when’ question or you may get a lot more than you bargained for. 🙂 But the real lesson for me is to…
Focus less on me. Focus more on God. See the big picture. Ask better questions. Tell better stories. Persevere in the faith. Leave a great legacy.
When did I become a Christian? I don’t really know. What’s my story? I’d love to tell you. What’s your story? I’d love to hear it. What are the stories of all the great saints who have paved the way for us? I’m just scratching the surface and would love to talk about them.
Thanks for reading!
Photo for this blog post was taken when I stood at the Areopagus in Athens. This is the place where Paul gave his testimony to the group of people who had no biblical reference point. And his sermon in Acts 17 is quite powerful.