When I’ve sinned, made a huge mistake and feel guilty, even ashamed…my first inclination is probably not to go into a wooden box the size of a phone booth and spill my guts to a stranger dressed in black on the other side of a dark veil. Yes, it sounds comical to me as well as I say it. And in my earlier years I actually felt a bit anxiety, even fear as I would see those confessional boots walking as a tourist through cathedrals in different cities like New York, Paris, or Jerusalem. The stereotypes in my mind would mount and reinforce themselves leaving very little space in my heart to be open that I might ever enter a booth like that.
I spent so much time as an evangelical being taught and teaching others that I didn’t need to confess to a priest. We believed, as I still do today, that we can go directly to God to confess our sins. And it seems that our teaching was driven more to debate with the Catholic Church than to promote repentance. Once we had satisfied ourselves with our logic then the battle was over. Protestants 1, Catholics 0. The effect for me personally? In all honesty I confessed my sins very little, to God, to my friends, to anyone. This is despite explicit instructions in Scripture to do otherwise as it says in James, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” I’ll come back to this verse and the reference to healing.
It’s almost like we started with, “You don’t have to confess your sins to a priest!” And then last clause just kind of fell off and changed (via the example we set) to “You don’t have to confess your sins…(what was the last part?)” We had other reinforcements to this practice because we emphasized other doctrines (ex. assurance of salvation). In short, confessing sings didn’t seem all that necessary. I’m not we even emphasized it with non-believers. We instructed them to “invite Jesus into your heart.” This is a slight derivative from Peters words saying, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.” Oops! That’s a little further off that I thought. 🙂
So, there wasn’t much emphasis in confession, repentance, contrition, etc. in my experience. This felt more like some scary Catholic movie about self-flagellation or something like that. It was more about connecting in a relationship with God, falling in love with the Jesus, reading God’s word in quiet reflection with the Spirit. These activities were “positive and encouraging” (shout out to KLOVE). Why go negative?!?!
So when I came across the the parable in Luke about the tax collector who went to pray I’m not sure I knew how to process it. We didn’t have announcements on the church marquee saying: “Come this Sunday for our series entitled “How to beg for God’s mercy.” 🙂 And yet we see this time and time again in the Scriptures (Moses on behalf of Sodom and Gomorrah, David in Psalm 51, Nehemiah’s prayer, Tax collector in gospel of Luke, Peter when he encountered Jesus, blind man on the road, thief on the cross, etc….I could go on and on).
This is an unfortunate place that I’ve ended up in many regards. I’ve lived in very isolated, self-contained, closed network. It has kept me from learning new things and from being surprised by a God who is not bound by echo chamber we find ourselves in. Then recently God has been opening my eyes and my heart in many ways. And after entering into fellowship with the Catholic Church I’ve had many experiences that have wrecked my assumptions and stereotypes. And what it means to ‘go to confession’ is definitely at the top of that list with of assumptions that were turned on their heads. Here are the surprises that I experienced.
The goal is not confession
First of all, I was surprised to find out that it’s not officially referred to as ‘confession’ it the Catechism of the Catholic Church. It’s referred to as the ‘Sacrament of Reconciliation’. Whoa…big surprise #1 for me! The essence of the sacrament became clear for me with one simple re-frame based on those words. Yes, there are confessions of sin. But, the goal is…reconciliation. It’s quite simple really. If you’re in any relationship in life (especially one as sacred as the relationship with God) and you make a mistake, say something foolish, wrong Him, offend Him, disobey Him, the goal is not just to acknowledge it and walk away. That’s not contrition. That’s compliance. The goal is to reconcile the relationship! To bring things back to where it was before the offense occurred. As an evangelical, I think I just thought, “well Jesus died that sin too anyways so there’s no need for me to say anything specifically… “Sorry God for all my sins. Thanks a lot for covering it for me Jesus and I know you always love me. Amen.” In the Catholic Church, the belief is much more a dynamic relationship that’s always at play. Now evangelicals confuse this by assuming Catholics assert you can lose your salvation at any moment. This is not the case. The Sacrament of reconciliation is not not to gain back lost salvation or guarantee it in the future. It’s to reconcile a relationship in the present moment. It’s to honor God by doing what he called people to do countless times in the sacred Scripture: repent! In this change of direction we can address what has occurred and truly experience one of the greatest gifts God has given us in abundance: Mercy.
The goal is not guilt
Another thing that the ‘confession’ experience has been called is the ‘sacrament of mercy’. Another heart stopping re-frame for me. This happened to me recently when I went to participate in the sacrament as I was traveling out of town to visit my son in Arkadelphia, Arkansas. I was at my hotel, looked up the closest church to me, contacted the office, and scheduled time to meet the priest. This is what I used to do when we I had the flu. Now here I am driving past the Starbucks, the Chick Fil A, the local pub, and the Walgreens, all places that offer immediate relief to our weary souls. I honestly didn’t think through it myself. I just went with my gut. When the priest greeted me he said, “welcome to the sacrament of mercy.” And that’s what I experienced…mercy. The mercy of a listening ear. The mercy of a forgiving voice. The mercy of someone who could send me out to live in freedom and not under the weight of my sin.
The goal is not earn His favor
This last story is what inspired me to write this article. The experience was so amazing that immediately following I wrote down everything that I could recall that was said. Now just to be clear a priest is bound by the strictest version of confidentiality for what is confessed. That’s why the structure is laid out the way it is. The confessional booths are not designed to spook people but to protect someone’s privacy and dignity. So as I share this I’m just sharing what he said to me after I confessed my sins, not revealing anything confidential that was confessed. If you come from a background like mine and have lots of biases and stereotypes prepare to be surprised…even shocked.
After confessing my many sins openly this is essentially what the priest said to me…
God is never looking at the surface, the sins we’ve committed, the failures we have. But rather, when God forgives, His mercy is always healing and transforming at what lies beneath. He wants to remove those sins from our lives so there is a greater channel or conduit for the grace He wants to give you to live your life.
He does look at you and say “get these sins in order and then you can get close to Me”. But rather in the middle of the struggle, in the middle of the mess of life, that chaos, He wants to be the anchor that you rely on.
Our sins prevent recognizing this reality. But, once we confess the sins God doesn’t stop there. He keeps looking at what will make you whole. In the gospels, Jesus is always connecting forgiveness and healing together. People are asking for healing and he offers forgiveness. This creates great controversy. Now people come seeking forgiveness at confession and He also heals and restores.
This is why we have the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It ties both together. It helps make us whole so the response we make to the demands of our life are strengthened by God. They are made from a perspective that sees as God sees. And from this perspective we make better choices. We allow God’s wisdom to bring healing to those situations that we need to trust in Him more fully, the situations that are beyond our control.
For example, our children are very much beyond our control. As they become adults our influence remains but they have to make their own decisions and follow their own path. So, God wants us to bring trust in His guidance and reminders that He loves our children more than we do.
For others, confession can bring us to the greater compassion of God for others, even those who have wronged us. God can shape how we love others in the midst of their own trials and struggles. During this season of Lent, as we look at the Passion of Christ on the cross, it demonstrates that real love takes strength as well. It’s not just a feeling we have or don’t. But rather it’s a choice that we make to act in love even when that demands sacrifice. When we love from the strength of our own sacrifice then it has the power to bring good out of what otherwise would be a great evil. This is what the cross and resurrection together mean.
This is what it means to share in Christ’s life more, to let these play out: The strength that’s required to make the sacrifice and the transforming power of light when we submit our crosses to His.
That’s it. That’s what was actually said to me. I was (and still am) shocked. So if you want to dispel the mystery in your mind and the confusion about what happens in the little booth, there it is. Of course that’s not exactly what is said every time. But I can say that every time I participate in the sacrament of reconciliation it is truly an edifying experience and a blessing. I confess my sins. I receive His mercy. I am challenged to go and sin no more. I am blessed. And speaking of a blessing, this is how every confession ends…
God the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of His Son, has reconciled the world to Himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins through the ministry of the church. May God give you pardon and peace. And I absolve you of your sins in the name of the Father Son and Holy Spirit. Amen.
Your sins are forgiven. Go in peace.
What?!? Go in peace!?!? In entered in anxiety and guilt and fear. And now I’m leaving in peace?!? Guess what I did next? He encouraged me to go pray and I went to kneel and pray and balled my eyes out. Not exactly the stereotypical scene in the movies. God wants my heart and confession grabbed a big piece of it.
I’m so thankful for the priests I’ve met and so many more that extend God‘s grace and mercy to so many. It’s has to be a true, emotionally exhausting labor to enter into that space with people from every walk of life and engage with them and be present. And guess what? They confess their sins regularly as well! So they are on one side of the booth and then go to the other side. It’s reported that Pope Francis goes to confession twice per month. I hope many many more people follow this example, get that experience, and are set on a better path afterwards to glorify God with our lives. Imagine what the world would be like if the confessional booths had longer lines that they movie theaters or the Apple Store?
Peace be with you as you consider this Sacrament, this visible sign of an invisible reality.