My father has a kind of subtle way of expressing himself. Growing up I don’t think it was quite clear to me where he was coming from. Was he speaking from the heart or just being polite? He has a Mr. Rogers-like way of smiling and saying nice things. I mean that as a compliment. It sounded sweet. But I wasn’t sure. Or maybe I just wasn’t sure about myself?
Later in life God got a hold of my heart. Instead of trying to make my Dad say things better, I just learned to listen better, with ears of grace, mercy, and redemption. This was a better alternative than expecting him to give me a blessing the way I wanted to hear it. I’m sure he was passing on what he’s learned. So, that made me think of his father.
His father, my grandfather, or “Dado,” as we called him, was a Santa Claus-like figure. He stood about 6 foot 5 inches tall, which felt like about 10 feet to me since I only knew him as a very young boy. His demeanor seemed to always be jovial and his smile was as wide as his face. So, maybe this is where my dad picked up his mannerisms? Our parents have the greatest influence on us no matter how much we accept it or deny it.
About 5 years ago I started a very short and sweet journal entry. Every time my dad said something to me I wrote it down. Like I said, he’s very subtle. So I was observant and just jotted each thing down. Sometimes it was just in passing. Sometimes it was in the course of a conversation. He talked about things he thinks and believes. He talked about things he sees in me.
Here’s what he’s shared with me recently about who he is.
He told me…
“My purpose is to serve God as a loving and supporting husband, father, grandfather, great grandfather, sibling, and friend to my wife, children, grandchildren, brother, Christian brothers and sisters, students and colleagues.
To freely give my free will to God…to discern His will for me.
To seek Him more clearly, love Him more dearly, worship Him more sincerely, in Spirit and Truth.
My calling is to serve God as student and teacher of God’s word, Jesus, and God’s creation through mathematics and science.
As it says in Deuteronomy 30:19, “I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live…”
And here’s what he has said to me and who he sees me as…
You have chutzpah. You show shameless audacity and unmitigated nerve. If you hadn’t taken me to my old home in Franklin, Indiana and Galveston I would have never gone. If you hadn’t walked me up to my high school gym I would not have ever met the coach and seen my old picture in his office. I wouldn’t have gone to the top floor of the Blocker Research Building at UTMB and heard the stories of the dear people that work there and revere my father.
No good deed goes unpunished. Life is unfair. Bad things can still happen to you no matter how good you are. I see how hard you try to bless other and engage. And I validate all your efforts. And I hope you can laugh with me when life throws a curve ball and there’s no way to solve it or fix it.
You have blessed me more than I could imagine. The house you have provided for me and your mom is just what we needed. I know it wasn’t your original idea or vision. But I daily appreciate your willingness to shift gears and provide us with a home where we can spend the best season of our lives together.
If you want to make God laugh tell him your plans. The more I study and learn the more I realize how little we can control. God is the great I AM. I’ve been getting to know Him and studying His creation for decades. Some scientists deny that God exists. But the more I study the more I believe in The Creator of the heavens and the earth.
I miss you. When you are not with me I think about you all the time. I appreciate every time you call or visit. I wish we spent more time together. But I also appreciate and understand that you need to lead and care for your family.
I love you. You are my son and I’m proud to be your father.
As I reflect on these messages I’ve received I want to say, “Thanks Dad! I’m listening. Sorry it took me so long!”
Ironically, as I was finishing this piece I got a letter from my dad. Here’s what he said…
“What a blessing you are! I think about you all the time and am overwhelmed with your kindness and generosity. I’m so proud of all you’ve accomplished and the blessings of your wonderful family…I’d love to spend more time with you, discussing things of mutual interest (eg: the Bible, your book(s), your music, the future, etc…). I pray things are going well with Shawna, your children, and your grandchildren! Love, Dad”
There he goes again…saying many of the things he’s said before. But now my heart hears them so much better!
Thank you Dad for your blessing!
Thank you God for Your grace!